We know there’s not one way, one light, one stupid truth…

Being back at the family home for a few weeks means many things to me. It means being back in a world with clean towels, television and more cutlery than any household could ever need or use. It means seeing my old school friends push prams around the town centre, spending less than £10 on a wild night at the local public house and being repeatedly asked what a veganism is. The biggest culture shock of all though is without doubt my sudden exposure to tabloid newspapers.

For all their wonderful traits my folks are in fact Daily Mail readers, and whether it be some form of insane boredom or morbid curiosity, I cannot help but read it every day. In doing this I have happened upon a startling contemporary addition to tabloid journo-ese, which is playing on my mind. It seems that the increasing popularity of social networking sites has been a real boon for lazy print journalists, in that people’s willingness to reveal every detail of their lives into the public sphere negates the need to do any real researching into anything, or anyone – ever again.

It all started in early September when the Bristol “unwed & preggers” Palin story broke, and it was tabloid front page news that her baby’s father is “Proud to be a ‘f******* redneck”. Tsk Tsk – my dad said. Why do these people say things like that to journalists!? – my mother wondered. But wait – I cried. Upon further inspection this revealing “exclusive!!” on which we were all about to base our opinions of the entire Palin clan, nay the entire Republican party, were simply copied and pasted from 18 year old Levi Johnston’s Myspace page. Mywhat ? – my mum asked… I hid out in the spare room to finish the article.

I Admit, extracting ‘newsworthy’ information that is revealed on social networking sites has been common for as long as the sites themselves, and indeed the fact that journalists do this has aggreived me before – but this particular article really waggled crap journalism (and resulting massacre of a delicate story) in my face. I don’t mean to imply any kind of support for Sarah Palin or the Republicans, but I do support an innocent, victimised 17 year old girl and detest the media bunfight over OMG SHE’S PREGNANTTTTT LOL! And of course I’m pissed that said hoohaa appears to have resulted in this poor girl being forced to marry aforementioned douchey ‘redkneck’. But my personal feelings aside, the Daily Mail gleefully hopped aboard the ‘subtly bashing Bristol wagon’ with their article on the 2^nd of September, which twisted what Johnston had on his Myspace page in a truly unforgivable way.

The teenager expecting a baby with the 17-year-old daughter of Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin calls himself ‘a f***ing redneck’ on his MySpace page.

So far, so lazy. Not a huge contender for the Eric Breindel Award for Excellence in Opinion Journalism, but neither was that a crime. The next bit however should be:

Bristol Palin’s pregnancy was revealed to the Republican party convention just days after her 44-year-old mother was picked as John McCain’s running mate. Palin also released a statement confirming that the teenagers are now engaged, however Johnston adds “I don’t want kids”.

Now then, anyone who has ever had or indeed looked at a Myspace page may have noticed the natty little feature intended to reveal one’s desire, or lack thereof, to have children. It looks like this:

 Clearly when creating his Myspace page Levi Johnston clicked that first option “I don’t want kids”, not suspecting that a short time later tabloid readers the world over would be told that he is going around “adding” that his unplanned child is unwanted. This made me wonder how we would all fare if journalists keep using this underhand and frankly shitty way of assessing the characters of people in the public eye. What, for example, would be written about me if I did something Daily Mail-worthy scandalous and the writer simply checked my Myspace for information? “The 20 year old from Harrogate stated with reckless abandon “I’m only interested in coffee, scones, outdoor swimming and gin!” The self proclaimed Sex Pistols loving alcoholic adds “If this is hardcore I’d rather be punk – If this is straightedge I’d rather be drunk!” Hmm, I’d best not impregnate a senator’s daughter any time soon – my family wouldn’t much like that succinct interpretation of my character.

The final point here really has to be that of course newspapers make money from downright lies every day, but this twenty first century take on investigative journalism has to be the basest tack yet. I’ve since noticed it crop up in at least one article per day, with the internet interest always on the one ‘in the wrong’. Teenagers who have committed suicide have their music taste analysed, girls suspected of running away with an older man have their interests and ‘who I’d like to meet’ twisted, youths accused of various crimes have their every throwaway comment scrutinised. It clearly makes for a serious case of guilty until proven innocent, and surely none of this could ever be used as real court evidence, could it? Two things have so far come of this whole debaccle – I’ve asked my parents to hide the daily newspaper from me, and I’ve most definitely made my Myspace ‘friends only’.